Recently, Medical Director for Reimagine Care, Dr. Pallav Mehta, spoke to a room of cancer survivors. In honor of National Cancer Survivor Month, we share his words of wisdom.
And I now want to talk to you survivors for a second:
The conversations I have had with you over the years, during the most vulnerable and frightening times in your lives, have been precious. As you are faced with your own mortality, you have reminded me, sometimes unwittingly, about the importance of making time for loved ones and staying present and involved.
I got an email a few months ago from a patient. It reads, “Dear Dr. Mehta, on this beautiful morning, I get to see my son graduate high school. We met when he was a 3rd grader and I did not think I would make it here. Thank you for helping me get here.” This doesn’t just make my day, it validates what I do.
Rather than being resentful for the lack of free time because of another swim meet, ballet recital, social engagement or baseball team I’m roped into coaching, I am grateful.
Having children teaches you to acknowledge the importance of 2 things – sleep and alcohol. Oh, how I would love to have more of both. But kidding aside, there’s a third and that is fear. Fear that a catastrophe could mean that I leave them or they me.
As an oncologist, I see daily that fear in your eyes but get to witness the unwavering strength and courage that emerges from it allowing you somedays just to put one foot in front of the other.
Mark Twain said that “Courage is the resistance and mastery of fear, not the absence of it” and I often see you follow this advice.
From the elderly woman who worries about her disabled husband, to the young man who strains over his parents’ anguish, to the young mother who wonders how her kids will get by, you all have relationships that you’ve nurtured with those you love, and cancer makes you face a frightening prospect.
A few years back I met a 35 year old woman with stage IV breast cancer who finally got the strength to tell her 4 year old daughter. With concern, the girl promptly asked “But mom, if you’re gone, who’s going to get the Oreos from the cabinet every night??”
Your impact is so much greater than you know, and your value is immeasurable.
I also want to acknowledge the efforts of others around the patient who are instrumental in bringing those afflicted back to health. Neighbors who drop off meals without being asked, a nephew who does the internet research, colleagues who cover at work without hesitation and, of course, the caregivers who do the most difficult and thankless of jobs with tenderness and care. I’m sure patients would agree they could not do it without you.
So in closing, cancer creates a lot of stress and throws life into disarray. How do you find balance when this monster looms so large it blots out the landscape for everything else?
There’s a book called Radical Remission where a psychologist interviewed over a 1,000 people with “statistically unexpected remissions from cancer” and found some common themes around life lessons which serve as wonderful guide:
- Let go of negative emotions and embrace positive ones
- Develop a social support network
- Volunteer and do for others
- Trust your intuition
- Deepen your spirituality
- Find strong reasons to live
Buy a souped-up sports car and take luxury vacations… oh wait, that was a different book.
I am truly lucky to be doing the work I do and I have a lot to learn in the years ahead. But I have learned the value of the basics : family, friends, independence, taking care of my body. Things we take for granted until on a bland Wednesday afternoon, they are without warning ripped from our grasp.
But I’ve also learned of the value of the infinite power of hope and its ability to guide us through the darkest of days.
Thank you for all the lessons, you are all an inspiration, and I never forget what a privilege it is to take care of you.